Baby It's Cold Outside

I've been so busy with this seasonal job that I haven't had the energy to write much. So much so I missed a deadline for one of my Yahoo! freelance pieces, which was really annoying, but helped me prepare for the next assignment. I'm usually in the warehouse making boxes or packing fruit from 8-6, six days a week. The packing house hasn't been warmer than 42 degrees most days, but I am still so grateful for the work. Besides, the pickers in the groves have it much harder. We're working with a sense of urgency because we are in danger of a sever freeze. If it drops to 22 like it's been forecasted, the fruit will die and that will be the second year running the the season has been closed after 2 months rather than the full six months. My hope is that the Lord and Mother Nature will spare us. If not, there will be another sixty people applying for unemployment.

WikiLinks: Gossip Girl Meets The Tattler

Dear Julian Assange,

You.  Are.  An.  Asshole. 

I am not against exposing corruption, but please change your forum.  Using the Internet as your bathroom wall has got to stop.  In my opinion you are less of a whistle blowing vigilante crime fighter than you are a flat out bitchy gossip.  Your latest round of news, if that's what you call it, exposes political figures personal opinions outside of the bargining chambers.

Seriously?  Grow up!  I feel like I am listening to a bathroom break at a highschool:

"OMG!  Did you see Becky's shirt?"
"I know!  Total slut."
"Trying to get back at Brandon for dumping her at prom."
"Whatever.  By the way, did you know that Prince Andrew 'cockliy' at a 2008 brunch with British and Canadian businessmen in the country's capital, Bishkek, leading a debate that 'verged on the rude."
"Really, who gives a shit?  Why did you even bring it up?  It was prob his time of the month."

 To me, you are nothing but a shit-pot stirrer.  Like a gossip, you hide in the shadows, too afraid to speak up.  I think you are a "L, 7, Weenie!"  If you really stand behind what you say, then show your face.  Stop moving around, moving from house to house like the rat you are.  If you have something useful to say, grow a pair, and man up.  

Pictured: A D-Bag  Not Pictured: Rat Tail

Welcome to McDonald's--Would You Care for an Un-Happy Meal?

(A possible conversation if more San Francisco idiots get their way.)

Perky Teenage Worker: "Welcome to McDonald's!  How can I help you today?

Tired Parent: "One chicken nugget Happy Meal with a Sprite for a little boy."

PTW: "I'm sorry, we no longer serve Happy Meals here."

TP: "Wait. What? Why?"

PTW: "Due to a new law enacted by the Board of Supervisors of San Francisco, it has been decided that you, the parent, are too stupid to regulate your child's nutritional needs."

TP: "Excuse me???"

PTW: "As you may not be aware, as you are a stupid parent, childhood obesity is on the rise.  In an effort to combat obesity, the government felt it was necessary to step in and do all the thinking for you.  Rather than the parent teaching the child to eat a variety of fruits, vegetables, meats, fats, and sugars in moderation and to turn off the idiot box, I mean, TV/DVD/computer/game player, the government would like to seize power, I mean, help you make easier decisions.  In an effort to remove fat and add fun into food, it is necessary for the consumer to be herded in the correct direction, much like a cow."

TP: "WHAT did you just call me?"

PTW: "The government is afraid that if a child is offered a toy with a Happy Meal, you the parent will never consider that you have the option of telling the child that there are other things in life to eat.  They certainly can't expect you to offer your child a toy with a plate of spinach.  You can't be expected to exercise good judgment about nutritional needs.  That's why the government is working to stay one step ahead of the consumer.  Like taking all the yummy taste from Oreo cookies.  You may have noticed that your child's morning bowl of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs* has eight grams of fiber in every serving.  It's part of a balanced breakfast."

TP: "Are you seriously trying to sell me on the idea that the cereal I let my kid eat on Saturday mornings while he rots his brains with cartoons is nutritious?  The deal is, if he gets to eat that on Saturdays, I get to sleep until 9.  It's junk food!  I let him eat it ONCE A WEEK!"

PTW: "Well, just to be on the safe side, the government would like to assume you're an idiot.  Now, what can I do for you today?"

TP: "Give me directions to the nearest Chic-Fil-A.  They have great milkshakes."


*Hat Trick Points if you picked up the reference to Calvin and Hobbes, by the great comic genius Bill Waterson:

If You Speak English, Thank a Veteran

To the men and women who serve and have served, I thank you. 

It is because of your sacrifice that I can

• practice freedom of religion
• speak freely to a man that is not my immediate relative without fear of death
• voice my opinion on politics
• go shopping without having to be searched for explosives
• reach millions of people across the globe with a click of the mouse
• pursue my dreams
• raise my son

I'm sure you don't hear these words enough, but thank you for fighting to defend the liberties that I can so easily take for granted.

And for you men and women serving overseas, next time I complain about not sleeping well, I'll try to remember that I sleep in a soft bed, in a temperature controlled climate, not worrying about artillery fire.

With many prayers for your safety,
The Diatribist and the Kiddo   

As the Biblical Saying Goes....

 

"Ask and you shall receive," well I finally got!  As I was writing last night, fretting about making ends meet for the rest of the month and on, a seasonal job opened up!  So while I have the opportunity to write for Associated Content, I will be able to continue to pay the bills, namely my rent!  My dream is that someday my writings will be a steady source of income but until then, I'll be spending my winter days helping the Kumquat Growers and my winter nights/weekends writing.  

I've been told that I'll lose 20 lbs with all the hard labor I'll be doing, but I said that if I can lose 50 lbs (almost bringing me back down to my college weight/targeted BMI) then I'll marry whoever is responsible for that.