I'm Not Down on Love, But I Abhore Valentine's Day

I make no bones about being unlucky in love making piss poor choices in men.  I've had my heart stomped on a good three times, but yet I still believe in love.  Despite listening to more than enough angry, depressing, had-my-life-shattered-by-you songs (yes, thank you Breaking Benjamin for being the soundtrack to my last relationship.  I can't hear the opening chords of any of your depressing-ass songs without becoming physically repulsed) I am still optimistic.

I'll admit it took me a good 2 years of Disturbed, Eminem, Framing Hanley, Ludacris,and Linkin Park (except their latest album which all I can say is ewww.  The edge is gone since they've all sobered/dried up.  But that's a good thing for them, just not their music) to get over my hurt.  Recently my mellowed music selections include plenty of Mozart, Beethoven, Jack Johnson's Brushfire Fairytales, Louis Armstrong, Weezer and these two bands:

When I hear either of these songs, I'm encouraged to believe that there is someone out there who is looking for someone like me.  I tell myself that I am a good person, full of life, love, and energy, but the right one to share that with hasn't come along yet, but he will some day.  While it might be 20 years from now, somewhere a complimentary awaits me.  I'll still hold on to hope.

So when I say emphatically that I. HATE. VALENTINE'S. DAY. it's not because I am a warped, twisted hag.  What I hate is that right after Christmas, Hallmark and De Beers become street level drug love pushers.  One day has been singled out of the entire years to make a grand romantic gesture to prove that you really love the person you are with.  And heaven help you if you don't come through.  Some people view Valentine's Day as the make-or-break test of their relationship.     

I say to hell with it.  If you are with someone who can't or doesn't chose to express their love for you in any manner outside of the holidays, than maybe you're with the wrong person.  I'd rather receive a hand full of midday-heat wilting wildflowers in the middle of July or a pine cone in early November, than overpriced roses on Valentine's Day.  I want to know everyday that I am loved, not just on February 14th.

But I'll still eat the chocolate.      

PS--This is post 3 in my 21 days bet, so I'm still winning.  I've been at this for more than 30 minutes like the bet originally was set at but that's my fault.  When you get on YouTube, it sucks you in like a black star.

PSsquared--I'm suggesting if you'd like a better understand my true feelings for Valentine's Day, go to YouTube and search for Non-Holiday Special: Foamy the Squirrel.  I warn however, that if your sense of humor/propriety maybe far different than mine, you don't want to go there.  Foamy is a foul-mouthed critic.  The V-Day rant begins at 1:12 of 2:30.   

Things You Don't Say To Me

Fact: I am single.

Fact: Some days I will have more stress in my life.  I may be cranky at moments, but I will be able to function just fine. 

Fact: I will think you are a rude, insensitive, crude, and lowbrow troll if you dare to make nasty remarks about me needing a sex life.

Do not ask if I was up all night with B.O.B. when I yawn.  (I was so embarrassed when I realized it meant battery operated boyfriend.)

Do not tell the 19 y.o. who works in the afternoon that I will be a happier person if he "slings some my way."

My lack of marital/dating status does not give you a carte blanche to openly mock me.  I have standards, I have feelings, and I am more than a impulse driven being.  Impulse control separates man from the beasts.

I'm so pissed.   

(This is day 2 of 21, but I don't feel like this is a victory on my part.  I may have written for 30 mins but I don't have any real direction.  Tomorrow, I write when I am less cranky, more rested.)

Day 1 of 21

I'm supposed to be writing for 30 minutes each day.  It's a bet I made with my shrink.   But I've got nothing so far.  I have no idea what to write about.  In fact, I've already trashed a piece that I worked on for about 20 minutes b/c I felt that it rambled.  Much like this. 

Probably watching Arrested Development in conjunction with attempting to make sense of my drek-like ramblings tonight is not going to help.  So I'm off to bed.  Day one, points go to the shrink.  Maybe I'll have more in me tomorrow.   

I wish AD was still on the air. Stupid Fox. 

In the Blink of an Eye: Updated

Awoke this morning to happier news from Alyssa's husband:

Update on Alyssa: "Just got out of surgery, and God is very good! They took out her kidney, which the doctor said had basically dissolved, and the bleeding has completely stopped. Her blood pressure and pulse are all better than they had been all day. Now we pray for a safe and full recovery, as we aren't entirely out of the woods, but the scariest part is over."

I am in absolute awe of the prayers and supplications that went up for my beloved wife. There is no doubt in my mind that she is with us now because our Blessed Lord heard our cries and pleas for His Divine intervention. I took baby Tatia...na Elia (we now have a name for her), home last night after the surgery, and Alyssa called me this morning. She feels a TON better, and has certainly retained her sense of humor. She told me that she woke up at about 3:30 and felt quite lucid. In fact, she said, "Wow, it's about noon, and I should get up and walk around." Of course, she didn't, but it's an indication of how good she feels. She just received Communion, and I will be on my way to the hospital to be with her very shortly.

God Bless you all, and thank you so very much for your prayers!

--Michael

PS - Here is the reason for the name "Elia." We had picked the first name, Tatiana, a while ago, but couldn't settle on a middle name. About a month ago, our 5 year old daughter started writing random letters on paper, handing them to Alyssa asking her to tell her what the letters say. Most of the time, it was gibberish, but one time, she very clearly wrote E-l-i-a (with the first letter capitalized, as if for a name). We thought it looked like a name, so we looked it up to see. Indeed, it is a name. It is Hebrew for "God has answered." Indeed He HAS answered, and as Rob pointed out after her surgery was complete, it is providential that this aneurysm (which was apparently chronic and could have ruptured at ANY point) burst AFTER the baby was born and not before or during delivery. God has answered, and so in commemoration of this, we give Tatiana His answer as her middle name.

 

In the Blink of an Eye

Life is so precious and fragile.  I've never been made more aware of this fact than when I heard the news this afternoon that my dear friend was rushed to the hospital.  She gave birth to a healthy baby girl on Thursday this week but has developed severe complications.  Apparently she had an aneurysm in her kidney and lost quite a bit of blood.  The doctors have removed the damaged kidney, but are worried that she may lose one of her legs.

Alyssa has been a great source of love, laughter, strength, and Chi Lattes throughout the years.  I'm praying hard for the doctors that will be operating on her, her husband and children waiting for news, and that she has the strength and will to fight.  Hang in there, Alyssa!  

If you're reading this please send up a prayer for her safety and health.  Thanks.