I'm off to grind my ax. And while I wish I could say it was a metaphor for something dirty, it's not. I get totally squigged out about the idea a self ax grinding.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Search Words of the Week
I'm off to grind my ax. And while I wish I could say it was a metaphor for something dirty, it's not. I get totally squigged out about the idea a self ax grinding.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
A Day in the Life of the Kiddo
Conversation in the Diatribest household
"Momma, you are the bestest thing that has ever happened in my life."
"Thank you, Baby-Man"
"I'm all done with my shower."
"Okay, get dressed. The laundry isn't dry yet, so you don't have an underwear. Just put on your pj bottoms."
"I DON'T HAVE ANY CLEAN UNDERWEAR!
AGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
WORST DAY EVER!"
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Facelifted
If you think it's me, well guess again. I don't need a facelift although I could use a bobby lift. I'd work on getting me ole' knockers tucked back up under my chin. I miss the days when I could find a bra that wasn't just beige, black, or white. Or the days when I could run around without a bra.
Why do clothing manufactures think the bigger you are, the less taste in clothing style you have. Honestly, how many large women think, "Now that I weight over 200 lbs. I'd like to dress in nothing but large floral prints. I think I'd look great looking like a giant field little children can get lost in."
Seriously clothing manufactures, get a grip!
Anyways, My Daily Diatribes is getting a bit of a facelift. I'm trying to get the word out about yours truly and by running a blitzkrieg across the world wide web, I might get some more opportunities drummed up. Momma's got bills to pay!
So do your part my Ministers of Mayhem! Get your Diatribest out there! Tell your mom, your dad, you cousin twice removed, and you best friends. Spread my awesomeness around!
Why do clothing manufactures think the bigger you are, the less taste in clothing style you have. Honestly, how many large women think, "Now that I weight over 200 lbs. I'd like to dress in nothing but large floral prints. I think I'd look great looking like a giant field little children can get lost in."
Seriously clothing manufactures, get a grip!
Anyways, My Daily Diatribes is getting a bit of a facelift. I'm trying to get the word out about yours truly and by running a blitzkrieg across the world wide web, I might get some more opportunities drummed up. Momma's got bills to pay!
So do your part my Ministers of Mayhem! Get your Diatribest out there! Tell your mom, your dad, you cousin twice removed, and you best friends. Spread my awesomeness around!
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Flamingos. I haz them
I've got several articles to write today, so what better way than to tackle the work by avoiding them and writing a silly blog post. Yea, me! The way I see it, if I can get my creative juices flowing and actually chase away the daily doubts I can tackle the job that might actually bring in some income.
This morning I was re-watching a video of The Bloggess which was a reminder of how I need to do the things that make me 'furiously happy,' and that pursuing my dream of writing as a full-time career is what I truly believe that I am called to do. And even though I have no stable source of income, what with picking up small jobs as I attempt to pursue bigger clients, I am determined not to give up so easily. So I stare at the pink flamingo that sits at my desk and ponder, what the hell should I write about this morning and it hits me. Why the hell do I like flamingos so much?
It certainly can't be because I want to own one. Frankly, I think birds are disgusting creatures that should be kept outside. God gave 'em wing, why the hell do they need to be kept in a cage with those things clipped? Birds with clipped wings seems like the Venus de Milo, pretty to look at but reminds me of a victim of a serial killer who took the arms as a trophy. Okay, maybe that's just me, and I have a really sick, strange associative mind. But whatever, I don't care. After all, I am the serial_writer.
Plus, birds shit all over the place. I already have to wipe my kid's butt, so no thank you I do not want to clean a birdcage. This is why I prefer cats over dogs, just for the sheer fact that they have the decency to cover their own shit-shame.
So really I don't like the actual bird, I like the pink plastic representation. I think growing up in Florida, you are accustomed to all things 'tropical' themed. Never mind the face that the flamingo is not native to Florida, much less the US. But they just seem to fit. The greatest use of pink flamingos, IMHO, was the time someone flamingo'd their friends front yard to celebrate her birthday. 40 flamingos for 40 years. Very cool.
Come Christmas time, these babies are gonna be pulling Santa's sleigh.
 |
| Seriously? Why? |
It certainly can't be because I want to own one. Frankly, I think birds are disgusting creatures that should be kept outside. God gave 'em wing, why the hell do they need to be kept in a cage with those things clipped? Birds with clipped wings seems like the Venus de Milo, pretty to look at but reminds me of a victim of a serial killer who took the arms as a trophy. Okay, maybe that's just me, and I have a really sick, strange associative mind. But whatever, I don't care. After all, I am the serial_writer.
Plus, birds shit all over the place. I already have to wipe my kid's butt, so no thank you I do not want to clean a birdcage. This is why I prefer cats over dogs, just for the sheer fact that they have the decency to cover their own shit-shame.
So really I don't like the actual bird, I like the pink plastic representation. I think growing up in Florida, you are accustomed to all things 'tropical' themed. Never mind the face that the flamingo is not native to Florida, much less the US. But they just seem to fit. The greatest use of pink flamingos, IMHO, was the time someone flamingo'd their friends front yard to celebrate her birthday. 40 flamingos for 40 years. Very cool.
Come Christmas time, these babies are gonna be pulling Santa's sleigh.
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