I've got nothing right now.
My insecurities are popping up again. I have a fairly easy assignment that would take all of two hours, if that. I'm feeling to paralyzed to do it. I need the $100, but I can't put the words together that I need to write an SEO article about an SEO company that wants to sell you their SEO algorithms. Ughhhh. . . .Even typing that makes me want to shoot myself.
I'm totally drained. I've spent the past 30 days nursing my son through a nasty virus which turned into a sinus infection. I was sick for a good while during his bout and haven't healed properly. I've been wheezing today which makes me concerned. Now that he has returned to school, just for today and tomorrow, I want to collapse. First thing I did after dropping him off at school was to crawl into bed until noon.
Because that's what winners do!
I'm feeling lonely. And a bit jealous too. And really insecure about writing what is on my mind. I wish I had the courage to let it all come out, much like The Bloggess did the other night. Her piece on depression and self-harm was so moving, I would have cried if I could have, but I'm too dead inside right now.
My insecurities are popping up again. I have a fairly easy assignment that would take all of two hours, if that. I'm feeling to paralyzed to do it. I need the $100, but I can't put the words together that I need to write an SEO article about an SEO company that wants to sell you their SEO algorithms. Ughhhh. . . .Even typing that makes me want to shoot myself.
I'm totally drained. I've spent the past 30 days nursing my son through a nasty virus which turned into a sinus infection. I was sick for a good while during his bout and haven't healed properly. I've been wheezing today which makes me concerned. Now that he has returned to school, just for today and tomorrow, I want to collapse. First thing I did after dropping him off at school was to crawl into bed until noon.
Because that's what winners do!
I'm feeling lonely. And a bit jealous too. And really insecure about writing what is on my mind. I wish I had the courage to let it all come out, much like The Bloggess did the other night. Her piece on depression and self-harm was so moving, I would have cried if I could have, but I'm too dead inside right now.
Praying for you my dear!
ReplyDeleteC, you are amazingly talented and strong, and I know how tired you are. I spent the last three weeks getting my gang through the same thing-becaue of COURSE they can't all get sick at the same time!- and ended up with a sinus infection too. Today is the first day I feel well enough to take on the PILES of chores that have built up while the antibiotics took their course, shudder.
ReplyDeleteBUT, the woman I know doesn't take shit from anyone, least of all some stupid martian death flu! Maybe you don't need a pep talk, but I feel like I need one, so I'm going to yell at you for both of us. :) Please don't let the bullies in your head tell you that you can't do this. They wear you down by their constancy, even though you are too smart to truly believe them. My own fears and insecurities are more house and children-related, but they still wear me down, telling me I can never live up to all the women I know who are GOOD at this stuff. And I know that it is silly and inconsequential compared to what you are going through, but they still try to paralyze me, to keep me from just getting it done, without comparing myself to the wondermoms who do more with less time and more kids. I know this is kind of an unfair burden to put on you, but I look to you, because of your openness about your struggles with those little ugly voices, and I take heart that you can overcome them. Don't let them beat you down now. (Because otherwise my children won't have any clean clothes to wear! Lol!)
Well, the kids still have no clean clothes, but I went food shopping and planned dinner, so #winning?
ReplyDelete