Friday Fluff N Stuff

Let me preface this post: I have been drinking hot toddies tonight like they are going out of style.  Part medicinal (I am nursing a wicked cough), part I feel like I can loosen the hell up.  My Kiddo, my pride and joy, is staying with my parents for the next few days (relax! I'm not ditching him for Christmas).  

 

BK (before Kiddo) I was (what I consider) a functioning, depressive alcoholic.  Drinking was a way for me to self medicate for the fact that I was in my rape victim mode for 6 years, whereas now I am the survivor/not-a-victim/balls-to-the-walls/kicking-ass-stigma-buster.  Now when I choose to have an adult beverage, I do so in severe moderation (I'm usually toasted by 3/4 of a beer) and I don't feel like I have to hide. 

 

Anyhoo, I stumbled across this hilarious Holiday Post from Seeking Elevation (what up, YO!) and decided to link up.

 

Inappropriate responses to follow. . .

 

PS. Don't tell Becky and Ben that I'm using ellipses.  They hate that shit.  Plus I am double spacing!

 

Friday Fluff

It's time for the Fluff of Friday.  It's the Holiday Edition, yo.  And I think the way I'm meant to answer these is as a would you rather this or that kind of thing.  Here goes:

Get kissed under the mistletoe or in the snow?
Make out under the mistletoe (What?  It's been 3 friggin years since anyone kissed me!)

Santa or Rudolph?
Rudolph.  Santa was a dick to him in the 1964 TV show.

Stocking or presents?
 Presents.

Egg nog or hot cider?
  Like I said above.  Hot toddy.

Angel or star?
  Cheap, from Wal-Mart star that would look fitting on a pimp's Christmas tree.

Decorating the tree or putting lights on the outside?
  It's kinda hard to decorate the tent I'm living in.

Warm cozy fires or sleigh rides?
I burned down my college dorm room, so I am all about THE FIRE. 

Family time or friend time?
Ummm...Plead the 5th.

Expensive presents or presents that come from the heart?
From the fucking heart.  Last asshole I was with decided that I wasn't excited enough when he bought me a friggin $800 bracelet.  I'm sorry, jack fuck, I was too fucking shocked to think that anyone could afford to spend that amount of money. Sorry I didn't jump up and down like the bimbos on the commercials.

Snow ball fight or snowman?
Snow-wrestling.  Much easier to make out.

Coal or present?
I can burn coal I suppose. . .

Open presents quick or slow?
Slow.  No one likes a quick draw McGraw.

Caroling or christmas stories?
  Stories, as evidenced of my son reading "How the Grinch Stole Christmas."

Snowy days or ice days?
Today it was fucking 80 degrees outside.  I'm lucky if I drops below 75 on Christmas day.

Red or Green?
Fire Engine Red.  Like the color of my pretend future wedding gown.

The Kiddo Does Dr. Seuss

My darling little Kiddo wanted to read "How The Grinch Stole Christmas" for his Aunt Kathy, who is far off in VA. I have to share; memories like this are too precious not to share. 

The Holiday from Hell: A Charlie Brown Tree, A Three Legged Cat, and A Towed Car

I wrote this article for Yahoo! News.  I didn't realized it was published until just now (It was published November 23.  Duh!) and I wanted to share this.  It is a compilation of three years of Christmases:

Christmas my Junior year in College

Christmas at my first apartment in Ghetto-dale

Christmas in FL after I returned from VA, pregnant with Kiddo

 I laughed the whole time I was writing, so I hope you'll do the same. 

PS-If you need another holiday article, because it is still Christmas (the second day to be exact--I want my two turtledoves!), check out my Complete Holiday Playlist .

It's All Because of You

Merry Christmas from the Diatribest and the Kiddo

To all my readers,
THANK YOU so much for the wonderful gift you have given me this year.  When I started writing back in August, I never, EVER imagined that I would have people from all over the world stopping by to read my rantings and musings.  Each day I log in, I find that new countries have added themselves to the map.  (Hello Croatia!  Hello Belgium!)  I was so hesitant to write for so long because I didn't believe that I had anything worthwhile to contribute.  Thank you for giving me that boost of confidence that I've needed for a long time. 

It's because of your continual readership that has inspired me to work on a short novel and to begin working again on expanding my college thesis.  I haven't touched it in 7 years for I believed that I was too unintelligent to undertake a scholarly piece because I was never able to further my education like many of my college classmates have.  I'm not bluffing when I say, without you I couldn't do this. 

The Kiddo and I are doing well and look forward to the new year with anticipation.  Hopefully it will bring me gainful employment and continued good health for my son.  I couldn't be happier.

As always I remain black beans and ricely yours,
The Diatribest

One Ring To Bind Them All

The best Christmas gift I have ever received: a (too small) ring picked out by the Kiddo. He's be telling me for two weeks that I will love it and he didn't spoil the surprise. He told me this morning as I opened it, he knew I would love it and gave me the biggest, most exuberant hug ever. I am so blessed!

Christmas Scenes from the Diatribest Household

The Kiddo reciting his litany to (a very rude) Santa

Our (very dead) Christmas tree

My favorite ornament--Baby Kiddo four years ago

The Baby Diatribest's first Christmas

Wooden Creche that I've had since I was 5.  It still has the 3.99 price tag from Woolworths.

Painting ornaments

An impromptu photo shoot

A nice hot toddy to cap off the end of the day