Gone

I lost two friends today.  I really don't know what I feel.
A troll stepped in after four years and stirred up a pot of shit, to what end?
For three days my life became a weird day time high school drama. Why was I told to be the bigger man, and ignore what was being hurled at me? Why was I being told to stop writing? The crux of my writing wasn't about my ex, but about everything else in my life.
I talked to my therapist last night who told me I have every right to be upset. That I have a right to my own feelings of anger, hurt, and sadness.
Trolls suck.

Exhausted, Yet Alive

I'm tired.  Not just tired, but beyond fucking exhausted.  Like it hurts to keep my eyes open and feel as if I am moments away from bursting into tears, but I have to write.

My mind has been still for too long, my soul shut up and chained.  And I'm finally finding sweet relief. 

Things has started off badly about a month ago.  I had a massive panic attack for 2 DAYS. I'm not sure what triggered it exactly but it was a combo of dealing with child support remodifications paper work
and finding some of the hateful letters my ex sent trying to convince me to give up my son, hating my weight which is more than it needs to be, feeling inadequate around the soccer moms at Jeremiah's
school (one mom started her sentence with 'my husband the dr'), not being able to see my shrink for over 3 months because I was/am broke, and stressed about being REALLY fucking broke. 

Like beyond broke. At one point I was down to $3. I wasn't just robbing Peter to pay Paul but I was beating the shit out of the other Apostles. I had lost my internet, received my final motice for my electric bill, my rent
was over due along with my car payment is overdue, and I had two bills that got resent to collection when my scheduled payments bounced.

It's not that I'm not working!

I am busting my ass everyday. And now it looks like things might be turning a corner.  Good things are finally coming my way.  I'm going to be teaching math to 3 and 4 year old every Tuesday and Thursday, so within a few months that should be a stable source of income that will allow me to finally break from from writing crappy $2 articles.  I'll be able to focus so much more of my time into my writings.

I've been asked to join the editorial board for Band Back Together, which just applied for non-profit status.  Things are taking off for this group and I am so proud to be a part of it.  I cut my hair to my sassy, kick-ass, curly short style that's I've dodged for three years. 

I know things are changing, I'll be doing good as long as I plug on. 

As the Biblical Saying Goes....

 

"Ask and you shall receive," well I finally got!  As I was writing last night, fretting about making ends meet for the rest of the month and on, a seasonal job opened up!  So while I have the opportunity to write for Associated Content, I will be able to continue to pay the bills, namely my rent!  My dream is that someday my writings will be a steady source of income but until then, I'll be spending my winter days helping the Kumquat Growers and my winter nights/weekends writing.  

I've been told that I'll lose 20 lbs with all the hard labor I'll be doing, but I said that if I can lose 50 lbs (almost bringing me back down to my college weight/targeted BMI) then I'll marry whoever is responsible for that. 

Wedding Bells at Barrington Hill Farm!

Photo by Tina Sargeant Photography

 DON'T WORRY!  NOT MY WEDDING!

I do some work for the owner of Barrington Hill Farm, and she is opening up the horse farm as a venue for weddings.  Seriously beautiful!  On the off chance that I may walk down the aisle one day, I'd love to have the reception there.

She needs help getting the word out about the place, so if you can follow the link over to the blog 100 layer cake and leave a comment, like "How pretty!" "If I lived in the area, I'd do an event there!" because the more hits she can get on the blog and site, the more traffic gets to the site, the higher her ranking will go on the search engines when people search for outdoor wedding venues in FL.

I really appreciate the help (cuz she makes it possible for me to stay home and write for the most part.  FYI, I submitted my first article to Associated Content, the online newsfeed for Yahoo.  I'll know in a few more days if it gets published.)

And to my readers across the globe in Russia, Germany, Brazil, Australia, and even Pakistan, thanks for checking in on me!  It really brightens my day when I can check my stats and see that I am reaching people far away from the sunny climes of Florida.  You (along with my US/Canada readers, I won't forget you!) really keep me invigorated to write. 

Writing has been my life-long passion, but I've never had the guts to do it before.  Thanks for boosting my spirits and giving me the confidence that I actually have some writing chops!  I love you!!!!

http://www.100layercake.com/blog/archives/9680

Photos: http://www.sargeantstudios.com/