Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Don't Get Mad, Get Creatively Even

Do you remember watching Sesame Street as a kid hearing the song "Three of these things belong together; three of these things are kind of the same; But one of these things just doesn't belong here?" It was pretty obvious if you were over the age of three what item didn't make sense, like the glass of milk didn't match the three daisies.  

Oh, yes.  You heard me. Wear this with wedding rings.
Yesterday, I came to realize that writing SEO articles for certain clients, the Sesame Street principle applies. I had a client ask me to write an article about 'glow-in-the-dark nail polish' and 'wedding rings.'  In the same 400 word article.  Mind you, this client lives in Slovenia so maybe she doesn't realize that outside of Halloween and the rave club scene, no one besides tennie-boppers wears that shit.  Seriously, I have no fashion sense, nor do I give a shit about fashion opinion, but I will never wear glow-on-the-dark nail polish to my wedding.

Here's the thing.  Writing SEO is not my first choice of work.  I would love to write humor columns for on-line sites or articles on single-parenting magazines.  Hell, I'd be happier writing ad copy for Scotts Brand Toilet Paper.  I would love to have to ability to turn down work based on the fact that I have a full client list and have work scheduled out three months in advance.  But that hasn't happened yet.  And until I can make some better connections, I'm stuck writing on shitty subjects.

This particular client I dropped like a sack of rotten potatoes today.  Seems that she was doing some false advertizing.  When your job posting says you'll be paying $750-$1500 a month for articles because you are looking for high quality writers as you've been unhappy with previous writers, please honor that.  Don't be surprised when I fly off the fucking handle when I write 3 trial articles and you send me 3 fucking dollars over Paypal.  So when you write back that most of your writers are paid 80 cents for an article and that you are doing me a favor, don't be surprised when I give you a poor rating on your feedback.

And believe me, when it comes to your rating score, don't be surprised when your profile is banned from the website for false advertizing.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna munch on a handful of antacids.