Friday, April 29, 2011

Rockwell: The Soundtrack to My Childhood Nightmares


As a kid, we're all taught not to take candy from strangers.  Although statistically we are bound to be kidnapped by family members or already known acquaintances, our parents instill the fear of God into us in this area.  Candy from strangers will kill you.

And while I laugh at the picture because of it's obvious mock on our childhood lessons, there is a car that cruises my tiny town that I absolutely, without a doubt, would never go near. 


Readers, may I please introduce you to my neighborhood Rasta Rape-Mobile:

Note that I'm not the only one shooting pics of this monstrosity.
I have spotted this mobile cannabis/Bob Marley limo/destroyer of childhood dreams all over town.  Bubba's BBQ?  Yep.  Wal-Mart parking lot?  Ditto.  Ballet studio?  Sweet Jesus, yes, and save the children in there.

 
Kiddo: Mom what's he breathing into?  Me: He's playing a musical instrument.



Ironic bumper sticker "Look twice, save a (motorcyclists) life."

But as for your kids, I'll sell them weed and give them candy.

Pay attention: this is a union truck! 

Consider yourself warned: Hire a license contractor or else. . .


I'm thinking the trail of bloody hand prints will lower the trucks resale value.  Honestly, this car looks like Wild Bill drove this around before rounding up his Silence of the Lamb victims. 
The trail of bloody hand prints 

I'm betting the owner never looses the car at the mall, yet I still hear Ashton Kutcher's voice, "Dude, where's my car?"

"I always feel like somebody's watching me..."

And just like my parents, I will scare the crap out of the Kiddo and warn him never take candy from strangers or go near cars that were driven straight out of a B-horror movie.