I Don't Have Many Original Ideas Right Now And Need To Post

If I'm going to admit it, I've been a lazy blogger as of late. Wish I could offer legit excuses, but I'd be blowing smoke up my own ass.  Been watching too much TV, reading too little, and writing even less.  Bad, bad, bad girl.

Thank God 2012 is just around the corner.  I can make a new set of resolutions that I will maintain for three weeks days before I break them.  Well, at least I'll follow up on the lose more weight train.  I've got a wedding to be in for April and I wanna look super hot!

Since I "work" with Aunt Becky and The Band, I usually see when she or my other Bandmates have updated their blogs.  I, however, doubt that many don't take much interest in mine.   And I'm not a big Memer, but I figured this was my lazy bloggers way out of getting some writing done. Plus I get to link back to Mommy Wants Vodka, who started me on this little path.

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
Started freelancing, for reals yo!  I've written articles on spider porn, the beautiful nation of Belize, and cycle safety in the UK.  I bit the bullet, opened up my can of crazy and started sharing my fears with the Net and all of my 2 readers.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Nope and nope.  Because I will inevitably break said resolutions, feel immensely guilty, which will lead me into a shame spiral. So this year, I resolve not to make resolutions.  Dammit!  Now I just broke my own resolution.  Shame spiral here I come.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes.  Several people.  And while my heart was saddened with jealousy, my uterus was doing a happy dance.  
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes.  My Gonga died over the summer and I miss her so much.  Every damn day I forget that she's dead and I get ready to call her three times a day.

5. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
Money

6. What countries did you visit?
Ummmmmm I'd need money to do so, which I had none.

7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why:

The Kiddo's first day of school.  September something or other.  (As a History major, it's a crying shame I suck remembering dates).

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
See # 1.  Also?  Became an editor at The Band.


9. What was your biggest failure?

I haven't learned how to stop hurting myself as a way to deal with stress.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Dropped 40 lbs of frozen Kumquat puree on my finger.  The pain was soooooo intense I almost blacked out and the damn cut kept reopening.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My new phone.  I <3 it so much!  I use to scoff at those who raved about the capabilities of their wonder phones.  But when I found out that my phone had a flashlight built in, I wanted to marry it right then and there.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
I was going to say Antoine "Hide Yo Kids, Hide Yo Wife" Dodson, but upon Googling him I realized that was a 2010 event.  (I am always late to the game.  Like I just discovered the awesomeness that is Psych and The Big Bang Theory). So I don't know.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Sandusky.  Child rapists sicken me.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Gas.  When prices reach $4/gallon, I am trading in for a horse.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Going on a date for the first time in three years.  It was a total bomb, but I was proud of myself for getting out there.  Plus I have a funny story.

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
Yea, gonna pass on that.  Have no idea. Maybe something from Weezer.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Happier 
ii. thinner or fatter? Thinner.
iii. richer or poorer? Based on money: poorer, life experience: richer, and I am all the more happier 

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Reading

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Blowing my nose.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
It's over at this point, but The Kiddo and I spent the night at my parent's house so they could see him open up the presents Santa brought him.

22. Did you fall in love in 2011?
I fell in love with an English hot toddy.  Which makes me sound like an alcoholic, but it was the only thing that calmed my cough.  But with a real person--James Roday of Psych, Jim Parsons of The Big Bang Theory.  Always been in love with David Boreanaz. So in the realms of being possible, yea.  No.

23. How many one-night stands?
I'm not capable of that.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Bones

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Yes

26. What was the best book you read?
How I Write ~ Stephen King

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Les Fragments De La Nuit

28. What did you want and get?
I wanted the courage to write and I got it (mostly).

30. What was your favorite film of this year? That sucks. I’m going to make up a new question:
Where are your pants? 
Not on me.  All pants, except yoga, are bullshit.


31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
  I turned 30, threw a party where I made authentic gyros with the best lamb meatballs.  Lamb meatballs sounds redundant, but who wants to say they ate lamb balls?

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Drunk dialing a long time friend and him not laughing at me the next day.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Unique.

34. What kept you sane?
A large quantity of coffee and well-timed naps.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
See #22.  Also, I really have a girl crush on Jen Lancaster.  She's funny, out-spoken, and a former member of the rat race that became a writer after being fired.  I'm trying to do that.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Don't get me started.  My days of getting hot under the collar about politics were over after I left DC.

37. Who did you miss?
My sanity?  Oh wait, the question was who, like a person.  My Gonga.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
My many BandMates.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011:
I must absolutely do what I love, or else I'll run the risk of doing nothing at all.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Hide Yo Wife, Hide Yo Kids

If you care to follow suit and link back here, please do so after the beep:

I Make Plans, God Laughs

I'm easily distracted by shiny objects.

When I dropped 40 lbs of frozen Kumquat puree on my index finger on Day 2 of the self-imposed 2 month deadline, I realized I was irony's bitch.  Well, I actually thought of that after yelling F**k several times, almost barfing and passing out from the pain.

So much to my chagrin my posting may not be as consistent as I want it to be.

Shit.

I hate being thrown a curve ball so early in the game.  I need to keep remembering the positive ideas that I am finally believing to be in me. 

Like a Twitch Upon a Thread

It's a quarter til 11 and I should be in bed by know now.  Correction.  I should have been in bed at 9.  Especially after I screwed up my Mass plans by being so tired to begin with.  And I'm quite pissed off at myself.  I failed the ora part of my alma mater's motto "Ora et labora."

With all my labora this past week at the Fair, trying to squeeze in visits with the Kiddo, and barely closing my eyes before the alarm blares at me for the third time, I took a half-assed attempt at a short-cut and cut my neck instead.

It's not a good excuse to miss my Sunday obligation.  Yes, I was/am/still will be tired tomorrow, but I should have forced myself out of bed in time for the 9AM Mass and not tell myself that I could catch the 7PM Mass at the local "Catholic" university, (which surprise, surprise, I missed because I got caught at the Fair).  I know far many mothers that operate on less sleep and still manage to keep going to daily Mass.  Yet for me to drag my lazy ass out of bed this morning, it would have taken a team of caffeinated oxen.

And I'm pissed at myself.  I hate making excuses for myself.  I wish I had the fortitude today to make Mass.  It's not like I'm being a crappy Catholic.  I went to Confession on Saturday, so it's not like I planned, "hey save the get out of hell card for Tuesday, cuz you're gonna skip Mass on Sunday."  Ugh.  I feel like such a jerk!

So why am I not in bed?  Well, I have too much on my mind now and I need to write it out, rather than try to fall asleep full of angst.

One pressing thing is my job situation.  Kumquating, for the most part, is over.  The owner will need me around sporadically during the week so between the tax refund that will cover rent for the next 4 months, and the (megar) amount of child-support and whatever I make weekly, my expenses should not be an issue, I hope.  (Fingers crossed).

What do I do know?  Do I go back to trying to find full time employment, possibly as a teacher for developmentally retarded teenagers?  Like a cork stopping a leaky bucket, do I just dive into a job (ha, if any are available in this still crappy market) that offers a decent salary, health insurance, and a 401K?  Do I try to continue to pursue my dreams of making writing a livable pursuit?

What happens if I take that plunge and write the book(s) that have been cooking in my heart and head for almost 10 years?  What if I write and I can't find a way to get published?  What if I do actually find a publisher, but no one wants to read my book?  What if I don't even generate enough to cover printing costs?

Yea, I know I'm totally putting the cart before the horse.  I mean come on dummy, you haven't even WRITTEN anything yet.  How come you are letting your fears scare you this badly?  You can't be afraid of failing if you fail to try.

Seriously, the Diet Starts Monday

Curse you funnel cakes! I have fallen prey.

Staring into the Abyss

My life in orange.

My X Factor- Part Duex

This week has been very trying on me.  Not that work has been exceedingly difficult or tiresome; on the contrary it's been amusing to be a Kumquat Pimp (sans the diamond topped cane) during this Fair.  I've met some really interesting people: a man who makes candles that smell like beer (For the Man Cave! as he proclaims from his booth), a man who gets to let baby kangaroos play in his apartment, and a living statue.  So being there isn't a problem.

What's been the hardest thing for me is that I've hardly seen my son at all this week.  He's been staying at my mom's house all week while I work.  I get out of the fair around 10, so by the time I were to pick him up, thus disturbing his sleep, and driving back I would have added 1 hr.  Since I can't afford the extra gas (thank you gas stations!  I almost puked when I filled up tonight and saw that the cheapest menu item was 3.32!!!) and don't want to screw up the Kiddo's sleep, I'm left trying to squeeze in a visit with him before I go back to work. 

I know I shouldn't complain, seeing as  I am fortunate to have family that can watch him for me.  I just miss him a lot.  And I can't wait for the Fair to be over. 

And to think that six years ago I was planning on hiring  a nanny to raise him while I was traveling for my hoity-toity contractor job. 

I hate not seeing you Kiddo, but it's for the both of us that I'm doing this. 

This Is How We Met

I believe that we all have an interesting story to tell but many don't know how to tell it.  So when I come across a good storyteller, I try to absorb all the minute details.  The story I heard tonight is too good not to share.

I've been working the Kumqaut booth at the county fair since Monday, situated alongside a seller of a novelty toy.  It's equally annoying and endearing to hear the owner's mother-in-law shout out in fractured English, "Splat toys!  Check it out!"

During a lull in the crowds, I asked the owner how he (a tall, solid, white boy from the South) met up with his wife (a tiny, darling, Dominican American from New Jersey).  "It was one of those mail order bride type things.  She found me on HotHillbillies.com."

After I died laughing, he went on.  "Actually, we met at Wal-Mart."  I knew this had to be good.

"See I was out visiting my sister and she sent me to Wal-Mart to pick up some feminine supplies.  I was really confused about all the different options like wings, overnights, swimming, long and scented.  All I know is that my sister is a big 'ole gal and I wasn't sure what to get.  So at this point Judy (his wife) walks by and I ask her if she can help me out choosing tampons."

More loud laughter ensued on my part.  Several surrounding vendors stared at me while I struggled to regain my composure.  The owner excused himself and walked down to his other booth on the opposite side of the hall as his wife arrived laden with fried goodies from the midway.

She shared some of her delicious strawberry pizza with me (major YUM!  Have to get some tomorrow!) and we chatted a bit.  When I told her that she and her husband had the best how-we-met story I'd ever heard.

"It's really awesome that you met over tampons!  That's such a hilarious story.  I love it!" I told her.

Judy rolled her eyes, "I swear I'm gonna kill him one of these days.  He loves to tell people that story.  Truth is, we met at a trade show when he bought me a lemonade.  My husband loves to tell stories."

I fell for that well told story hook, line, and sinker because I live in a world where the unreal is quite possibly going to happen.  Seeing that I burned down a brand-new dorm room with a leaky cigarette lighter, broke the tiniest bone in my ankle while jumping INTO a window while trying to assist three car accident victims, and went on a midnight donut run with 18 people jammed in the back of a retired ambulance, incidents that may sound out of the ordinary to the average person are commonplace to me.

If something weird or unusual is going to take place, then I'll probably be involved.

I just hope my 'this-is-how-we-met story' is just as colorful.