Saturday, March 5, 2011

The Itsy Bitsy Spider

I hate spiders.  A lot.  Allie over at Hyperbole and a Half has it right:

That's the same dance I do when I encounter frogs and lizards.
But since I have a 5 year old who is frightened of butterflies, I can't bitch out and expect him to stomp on all the creepy crawlies that make it past the window screens and hover around the porch light.

(Side note: what kind of kid screams when he sees a butterfly?  He was totally cool with dragging me into a tent at the fair to peer at all the venomous snakes of FL while I almost passed out/peed my pants from fright.)

So in an effort to put on a brave front for the Kiddo (who today confused mosquitoes with wasps) when one of the hated creatures makes its way into our house, I arm myself with a nearby shoe and yell "FEAR ME!" while I attempt to smash my prey.  The yelling serves a two-fold purpose: I can mask my shrieks of terror/disgust and the Kiddo laughs, not aware of his mother's fear that for every one roach/spider/walking stick you see, there are three you don't see.

And NO, before you ask, I do not live in a filthy, vermin-infested house.  Florida is renown for it's massive 'palmetto bugs.'
As a child I discovered I had spiderman-like skills of climbing walls when one of these creatures FLEW. AT. MY. FACE.

So this morning as I was perusing the daily headlines, I almost choked on my coffee when I came across "Mazda Recalls 50K Cars Due to Spider Infestation".  How the hell do you have spiders INFESTING your cars?

I can understand finding spiders in some of the cars that were parked under the rotting oak on the assembly line lot, but 50K!  Where were they manufacturing these cars, Count Dracula's dungeon?  Did some pissed-off ex-employee sneak in one night and plant mail order spider egg sacs on the underside of all of these cars?

I can't imagine what I would have to say to my insurance agent when I crashed my car through a nursing home because spiders were flying at me from the air vents. 

Good luck Mazda!  Hope you don't have any flying spider lawsuits coming your way!

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I'm usually stuck on cracked.com.  Don't go there if you want to sleep.
So I have a big announcement to make.  I am going to write.  I mean more.  And for money.  I want to write for real.

Okay, it's almost midnight and I want to finish this damn post and get to bed, but I know I have to put this out in the open so I can be held accountable.  (And I need a bit of your input too.)*

My bro-in-law sent me a link about a teen who sells her stories over Kindle and has made a bundle of money.  My mentor told me tonight that for a homework assignment he wants me to look into what it takes to get it done, pull together a combo of 25 different stories/posts, tweak them a bit and post it on Kindle to sell.

On Monday, barring that I'm not called up to the Kumquat plant, I'll be working writing from 9-11 and 1-4 everyday for the next two months.  I'm really going to make a go of my writing and make it work for me. 

I know that if I can create a niche on Associated Content and develop a following as long as I actively work on it I can get a solid income base.  If I place ads on my blog (which is still up for debate in my head) I could generate revenue too.  If I can pick up so free-lance pieces like copy writing, that would be a bonus.  I have to do this now, more than ever.

I have to challenge myself some more.  It wasn't until my mentor challenged me to write for 21 days straight that I realized what I have needed to do for so long is now laid out in front of me. 

I have to finally accept the fact that I have something special, a gift that can make some laugh or mull over issues from a different, slightly tilted angle.  I have to share this talent.  When I was a child every summer I would attend vacation Bible school, singing "This little light of mine," on a daily basis.  Well, for me I can't hide my light under a bushel basket anymore. 

I'm gonna let it shine.

*Drop me a line, post a response if you have a specific post that sticks out, made you laugh or think.  I want to take into consideration your ideas on how I should approach Kindle.  Thanks!