Friday, February 18, 2011

Welcome to My World Kuwait

I'm amazed and quite stunned to log in everyday to find that people from all over the world are checking in on me.  Hello Kuwait, glad to see you've made it on the map.

I've hit ever continent, save Antarctica.  Tell you what, $50 and a prominent picture of your face if you can convince some researcher in the South Pole to look me up. 

I'm kinda punchy right now because I'm writing way too late and my brain turned off about 2 hours ago.  See, stupid me bought the stupid GPS and was/still are struggling to download the most recently downloaded maps.  I'm not so sure that the fact that I have a basic dial-up Net service through my wireless provider isn't helping the situation at all.  Oh well.

Taxes have been filed with a return good enough to cover my rent for the next 4 months, which comes at a great time seeing as the Plant is shutting down on Monday.  I knew this day was coming soon, but I'm still stressing.  But on the subject of stress and taxes, I have to rant for a bit on child support.

I got screwed over in child support back 5 years ago.  I petitioned the State of Florida of child support, but my ex counter-sued and as a result the State Commonwealth of Virginia took jurisdiction of the case.  Not having the mean of hiring an out of state lawyer, still being emotionally numb from being abandoned at 20 wks pregnant and coping with a newborn, I didn't have much strength to fight.  When the lawyers presented the agreement, which I felt I had no choice but to sign as I wasn't getting any advice at all,  I got stuck to agreeing that every other year the biological father gets to claim MY Kiddo as a tax dependent.

How fucked up is that?

He's never seen MY Kiddo, never asked for pictures, hell, he didn't even want to know the sex of the baby after he had skipped out on the ultrasound.

That part?  I'm over.  In fact, the Kiddo came across a few pictures of me and the biological tucked in between the child support order and last years tax returns.  I've held on to a few of the pictures over the years as I figured some day he might ask questions.  He's been hinting for a while that he understands that you need to have "a man and a woman to get married to have a baby,"as he explained.  But he gives me a questioning look like, "Okay?  Where's the other part?"

So when the Kiddo turned his attention to the photos, he asked about the man in the photos with me.  I told the Kiddo his name, but not the relationship because I didn't want to jump the gun on any questions.  When he saw the two of us dressed up for a formal dance, the Kiddo got so excited.  "YOU LOOK SO PRETTY!!!  OH MY GOSH, YOU ARE THE PRETTIEST MOM IN THE WORLD!!"  (Don't think for a moment that I didn't just eat that up.)

Then he said, "I didn't know you got married."

"I didn't."

"Was I in you tummy?"

"Not at that time."

"Did that man love you?" . . . . . . That question blew me away. 

How was I supposed to answer that?  Before I had time to fumble around for the right answer, I think one of God's Messengers placed the reply on my lips.

"Yes.  He did love me; some but not enough."

The Kiddo stared at the picture again, grinned at me and said, "Well that's too bad, cuz I love you a TON!"

And that's when I was reminded, I might get screwed over every other tax year monetarily, but 'that man' has been screwed over since the day he walked out on the best thing that ever happened to me.